Pamela Wright, ESQ.

Talking to Your Child About Divorce or Growing Up in 2 Homes

Are you looking for a way to talk to your child about divorce, separation or growing up with two homes?  Well, I've found 3 books that will help you explain things to your child.

Kids really have no clue what's really going on when their parents separate or divorce.  Many times they draw conclusions that are not true and affect them adversely for the rest of their lives.  And just because kids are not acting out badly or asking questions doesn't mean they don't have questions.

 

Kids deserve to be given the security of understanding what is happening to their lives.  The books listed below will help.

 

 "Books for Kids & Parents About Divorce or Growing Up in 2 Homes"

Here's a book list for you and your child:

1.  My Two Homes by Susan Magsamen;

2.  Two Homes by Claire Masurel and Kady Macdonald Denton; and

3.  Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci.

You can order these books online at Amazon.com.  Giving your child a healthy perspective on what's happening to his or her life is a very good thing! 

3 Things You Can Do to Prepare for Your Child Custody Mediation

 So, you're getting ready for your child custody mediation appointment at the courthouse tomorrow and would like some advice on how to prepare.  Here's 3 things you can do to get ready:

#1 Write Out Your Proposed Custody & Visitation Plan

First, take a moment to decide whether you're seeking sole custody (also known as "full custody") or joint custody of your child.  Write down whatever you decide.  

   

Next, turn your attention to creating a visitation plan.  It's good to think through what type of visitation plan would be best for your child before you go to mediation.  Having a clear vision about what you want, gives you a better chance of not being pushed into an agreement you do not want.  If you plan one or multiple visitation plans, you'll be in a better position to negotiate a great visitation plan for your child.

Here's a few types of visitation schedules to consider but you can create and propose whatever you think works best for your child:

 

A.  A child lives primarily with one parent during the week, has an overnight midweek visit with the other parent and alternates weekends between two households;

 

B.  A child alternates living with one parent every other week

 

C.  A child lives with one parent during the week and visits the other parent every weekend or alternating weekends

 

D.  A child lives 2 days with one parent, 2 days with the other parent and alternates spending the next 3 day period with each parent.

 

E.  Holidays can be divided between the parents yearly or alternate yearly or be allocated however you choose in a settlement agreement. For example, a child can spend a portion of Winter Break, Spring Break or Summer Vacation with a parent.  Or, a child can spend the entire time period with a parent subject to a yearly alternating schedule.  Or, the parents can select something different such as allocating certain holidays to a particular parent.

 

Ultimately, you can create whatever type of visitation schedule you think will be in your child's best interest and propose it.  You can create one proposed schedule or multiple options.  Take at least 3 copies of your proposal with you so you, the mediator, and your child's other parent can review it during the mediation.

#2  Remember Mediation is Voluntary 

Just remember that mediation is voluntary so you do not have to reach an agreement.  This means you absolutely do not have to sign an agreement you do not feel good about.  So, do not be tricked into signing an agreement you do not want to sign.  Just say "No" and walk away from it.   

Ultimately, if you do not resolve your custody and visitation issues via mediation the next step will be to either pursue another round of negotiation or have the judge decide these issues.   

#3  Adopt a Winning Mindset

Child Custody Mediation is about reasonable compromise in order to formulate a custody and visitation plan that is in your child's best interest.  That means neither parent will likely get everything they want in a settlement but hopefully through reasonable compromise they will be able to formulate a custody and visitation plan that is in their child's best interest. 

 

When you go into child custody mediation with a mind open to reasonable compromise and a strong desire to formulate a custody and visitation plan that is in your child's best interest, you're more likely to settle your custody and visitation issues.  

 

 

Copyright 2010, The Family Law Company, All rights reserved.

7 Steps to Win Your Child Custody Case

Get your FREE Report "7 Steps to Win Your Child Custody Case" at www.TheFamilyLawCompany.com. 

In the world of child custody, knowledge and knowing how to apply that knowledge is definitely power you can use to help win your case. 

How do YOU Present in Court?

I handled two cases this week where my client was self-represented before I came on the scene.  In each case she did the best she could but her emotions and lack of legal knowledge worked against her in court. 

From the moment I came on the case I could tell there was work to be done in preparing my clients to present well in court.  Are you aware of how you present in court?  If you haven't filed your case yet still think about this question.  How you come across in court or in a child custody evaluation is critical to your case. 

You want to come across as a good mother who is level headed, stable and cares about the best interests of her children.  It is not the time to be emotional or overly sensitive.  In my experience, it is not the time for tears either.  However, if tears come don't freak out just regain your composure and keep going through the process whether it be a court hearing or questioning in a child custody evaluation.  

Remember, the courtroom and courthouse is a conservative place so gage your emotions accordingly.  When you present your case confidently free of emotional outbursts or breakdowns, you're more likely to get your point across and will have a better chance of getting what you want in court.

Preparing Your Home to Meet the 730 Child Custody Evaluator: 3 Simple Steps

Here's 3 Simple Steps to Prepare Your Home to Meet the 730 Child Custody Evaluator:

     1.  Clean It;

     2.  Organize It; and

     3.  Decorate It. 

A 730 Child Custody Evaluator is going to observe whether your home is 1) clean or dirty, 2) organized or cluttered, and 3) nicely decorated with some family pictures on display or undecorated.  These determinations can affect what the 730 Child Custody Evaluator thinks about your ability to parent effectively.  If you want to make a good impression, prepare your home for the home visit.  You can do it or hire someone to do it. 

Don't spend your time worrying about whether your home is too small or too big, but do take the time to ensure your home is clean, organized and nicely decorated with some family pictures on display.      

Take care,

Pam

Child Custody, Best Interest of the Child & Britney

As some of you know, Britney Spears' lawyers went back into court yesterday to increase her visitation with her sons.  And they did accomplish this goal.  Yesterday's move was aggressive and strategic. In family law it is vital to regain visitation as quickly as possible once it has been taken away because there are family law judges who like to preserve the status quo, if children are doing well under it, when it comes time to consider increasing a parent's visitation. 

In California, the judge is supposed to make court orders that are in the "Best Interest of the Child."  Family Code section 3011 sets forth factors the judge must consider in making a determination of the Best Interest of the Child.  One of the factors to be considered are the health, safety and welfare of the child.  The judge must look at all the admissible evidence and make determinations that promote the health, safety and welfare of the child because this is in a child's best interest. 

As Commissioner Gordon makes rulings in Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's child custody case, he will be doing so within the framework of What's in the Best Interest of the Child pursuant to Family Code section 3011.  This is a standard that all judges are supposed to use in making child custody orders in the family law court.

Pam

Introducing Family Law LA

I've been thinking about writing a blog for months.  This week's blowup in the Britney Spears child custody case kicked off a whirl of conversation and debate in my little world of lawyers, moms, paralegals, friends and legal assistants.  This case will bring national attention to the complexity and drama surrounding a child custody case. 

Family Law LA is on a mission to share helpful information.  This information is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship.  This blog is for informational purposes only.  In Family Law, you see everything from the happy soon-to-be married couple sitting in your office discussing their Prenup to the soon-to-be divorced couple who cannot let go....  Whether the facts are pretty or pretty ugly, there's always something to be learned in family law. 

In a child custody case, one thing a parent must remember is -- Follow the Court Orders.  And if you do not like the court orders, explore the law to see if you have a basis to get them modified.  Having said that, I wish Britney all the best in rehab and hope she gets clean for herself as well as her kids.

Pam