Pamela Wright, ESQ.

Talking to Your Child About Divorce or Growing Up in 2 Homes

Are you looking for a way to talk to your child about divorce, separation or growing up with two homes?  Well, I've found 3 books that will help you explain things to your child.

Kids really have no clue what's really going on when their parents separate or divorce.  Many times they draw conclusions that are not true and affect them adversely for the rest of their lives.  And just because kids are not acting out badly or asking questions doesn't mean they don't have questions.

 

Kids deserve to be given the security of understanding what is happening to their lives.  The books listed below will help.

 

 "Books for Kids & Parents About Divorce or Growing Up in 2 Homes"

Here's a book list for you and your child:

1.  My Two Homes by Susan Magsamen;

2.  Two Homes by Claire Masurel and Kady Macdonald Denton; and

3.  Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci.

You can order these books online at Amazon.com.  Giving your child a healthy perspective on what's happening to his or her life is a very good thing! 

7 Steps to Win Your Child Custody Case

Get your FREE Report "7 Steps to Win Your Child Custody Case" at www.TheFamilyLawCompany.com. 

In the world of child custody, knowledge and knowing how to apply that knowledge is definitely power you can use to help win your case. 

Do You Want Your Maiden Name Back?

In California, you can get your maiden name back at the end of your divorce. If you're going through a divorce and want your maiden name back, check the appropriate box on your divorce petition requesting that your maiden name be restored.  If you did not check this box and you're about to settle your case or go to trial, make sure you request it anyway.  You can make it a term of your final divorce judgment.

If you decide you want your maiden name back after you have a final divorce judgment, you can always file the appropriate name change paperwork with the court to do so.

Good luck!

Divorce Is Not a Sprint...It's a Marathon!

If you are preparing for divorce or already involved in one, keep in mind that the divorce process is not a sprint.  Now, it may seem like a sprint because of all the activity that takes place at the beginning of a case but it is not.  

Divorce follows a process and this process is more like a marathon than a sprint.  In a divorce you must be able to go the distance.  As you go through your divorce, keep this in mind.  Pace yourself weekly, renew your energy continually and move forward faithfully!

How do YOU Present in Court?

I handled two cases this week where my client was self-represented before I came on the scene.  In each case she did the best she could but her emotions and lack of legal knowledge worked against her in court. 

From the moment I came on the case I could tell there was work to be done in preparing my clients to present well in court.  Are you aware of how you present in court?  If you haven't filed your case yet still think about this question.  How you come across in court or in a child custody evaluation is critical to your case. 

You want to come across as a good mother who is level headed, stable and cares about the best interests of her children.  It is not the time to be emotional or overly sensitive.  In my experience, it is not the time for tears either.  However, if tears come don't freak out just regain your composure and keep going through the process whether it be a court hearing or questioning in a child custody evaluation.  

Remember, the courtroom and courthouse is a conservative place so gage your emotions accordingly.  When you present your case confidently free of emotional outbursts or breakdowns, you're more likely to get your point across and will have a better chance of getting what you want in court.

Planting Seeds for A Conscious Divorce

What type of divorce do you want?  Have you ever thought about that question?  Well, I would encourage you to think about it.  Your decision could save or cost you thousands of dollars.

Divorce plays out several ways.  One style is highly litigious, reactive and very expensive while the other is more consicous, fair-minded and more likely to preserve your wealth.

A Conscious Divorce starts with a mind open towards being conscious, fair, and reasonable.  I'll be writing more about the Conscious-Based Approach to Divorce throughout the summer.

Mediate or Litigate?

Getting divorced brings a slew of questions about the process.  One of the first things you'll want to decide is whether you want to mediate or litigate.

Mediation is a process whereby you and your spouse will work with a neutral third party to craft a settlement agreement.  This person is supposed to be neutral to the issues and not biased towards one side or the other. Litigation, however, is completely different and will put you and your spouse in adversarial positions to one another.  It also tends to be quite more expensive than mediation. 

The benefits of mediation include reduced legal fees, quicker resolution and peace of mind.  While, litigation benefits include getting a judge to finally decide issues you and your spouse just could never resolve and getting assets you're entitled to under the law but assets your spouse refuses to share.

As with many things, try to get a referral from a trusted source when selecting a mediator or attorney.  If your trusted source was happy with the mediator or attorney's services then you have a better chance of finding someone who can do the same for you.

Best,

Pam

To Keep Or Not Keep Your House

Are you going through a divorce and own a house?  If so, you'll have to decide whether you want to 1) keep your house, 2) have your interest bought out, or 3) sell the house.

If the house is community or marital property, then there is an interest that must be divided.  In California a house purchased during the marriage is considered community property (as long as there is no  prenup or postmarital agreement directing otherwise) and must be divided in the divorce.  

In California, a married couple can choose to sell the house and divide the proceeds or the judge can order the house sold when there's no agreement.  If you want to keep your house, then you must come up with a plan to buy out your spouse's interest in it.  After you do that you must be prepared to carry the mortgage. 

In these circumstances, it is a good idea to run the numbers and make sure you can afford to carry the mortgage after the divorce.  If you can, great!  If you cannot, don't sweat it...sell the house and understand that you can always buy another house later.  You do not want to fall apart or go under over a house.  I understand losing your house is difficult to accept but the consequences of not accepting it are harsh.  Remember, if you're struggling with the pain of losing your house, many women have gone on to buy another house later down the road after a divorce.  I'm praying for you to have GREAT strength!

Best,

Pam

1 Thing You Need to Know About Spousal & Child Support Before You File for Divorce

Here's 1 Thing You Need to Know About Spousal & Child Support Before You File for Divorce:

1.  How are YOU going to provide for yourself and your children financially? 

Many women going through a divorce expect their financial needs to be met by spousal and child support after the divorce is filed.  But what they don't know is that spousal and child support is not immediately awarded after the initial divorce papers are filed.  Further, spousal and child support is typically not enough to maintain their current standard of living. 

In California, a party seeking spousal and child support must file a request for it with the court AFTER the initial divorce papers are filed.  This means you need to be prepared to provide for your financial needs until the court orders spousal and child support and your spouse begins to pay it.  Your spouse may provide you with  voluntary spousal and child support before the court orders it but if he doesn't then you need to be prepared.  If the court hearing for spousal and child support is set 4-12 weeks out from the date you file your initial divorce papers then you must be prepared to meet your financial needs. 

It is a good idea to start saving for your financial needs prior to filing for divorce so you will be prepared.

Take care,

Pam

Using Your Breath to Deal With Divorce Stress

Dealing with divorce stress is essential to maintaining good health through the divorce process.  When times get tough and accusations are flying, here's a good breathing technique to calm your nerves:

The Relaxing Breath

1.  Close your mouth, touch the tip of your tongue to your gum right behind your upper teeth, and inhale a deep breath through your nostrils over a count of 4;

2.  Hold that breath for a count of 7; and 

3.  Exhale that breath through your mouth over a count of 8.

Repeat this process no more than 3 times at one setting. 

Happy Breathing!

Pam